Parents Review Music: Round One

We asked our contributors to show their favourite (and weirdest) songs to their parents and chronicle their reactions. Here is what our “wise elders” had to say about our music.

Carey Roach

Grimes – “Genesis”

When I first started playing “Genesis,” my grandma began to dance along while grimacing. She eventually proclaimed that the song reminded her of waves; however, both her and my mother were adamant that the drums didn’t match the music, and my mom kept asking if they had to listen to the whole song.

James Blake – “Retrograde”

Naturally, my grandma was more concerned with how James Blake looked than how he sounded. She thought that he was quite good-looking, and had the same hair cut as “one of the guys in our church choir.”  Her final verdict was that Blake has a nice face, a nice voice, and that the song had a nice tune.

Death Grips – “I’ve Seen Footage”

Although she wasn’t quite sure if it was rap or singing, or if the song was in English or not, my grandma kind of enjoyed this. As she put it, “Weird likes weird.” In the end, it didn’t surprise her too much that she actually sort of liked Death Grips.

Jessa Evenden

GFOTY – “Bobby”

When I began to play GFOTY’s “Bobby,” my dad immediately started dancing. He said it sounded like Mickey Mouse, and made sure to comment on how repetitive it was. In fact, he claimed it was hardly music — after all, she was just speaking and not singing. He started to get concerned for the singer; he claimed she sounded despondent, or even depressed. It was a break-up song, he was sure. Being my father, he made sure to comment on how there was a lot of swearing. “I heard her say ‘fucked up,’” he said, before asking me if I really listened to this.

Die Antwoord – “Ugly Boy”

My dad has never seen anime in his life, but, upon hearing this song, he declared that it should have been “in a Japanese weird thing.” He claimed that this song sounded like someone was rapping a story to a child, and the little kid was singing back. He asked what an “auki-boy” was (the lyric is ugly boy). Again, being my father, he made sure to point out the singer’s vulgar “potty mouth.”

Death Grips – “Guillotine”

This song messed my dad up big time. He spent most of the song laughing and covering his face, completely exasperated. To be fair, he did preface his reaction by saying he had no understanding of hip-hop. Some highlights from his commentary included, “I don’t understand a word they’re saying,” and, “This is bizarre beyond belief.” He ended the song by bluntly saying, “I got nothing.” He then suggested that I should listen to more “clean” music.

Dora Boras

Die Antwoord – “Cookie Thumper”

The track began, prompting my father to start dancing idly on the couch. Around the 1:37 mark, my dad began to notice the lyrics and adopted a concerned expression, furrowing his brow, complimented my mother’s dancing. She later described this song as “Barbie Underground,” while my father identified it as a mix of  “International, Japanese and house,” because Japanese is apparently its own entire genre now.

Death Grips – “I’ve Seen Footage”

“This is Eminem meets Chaka Khan, Salt-N-Pepa, and Falco,” my mother declared, verifying that Chaka Khan’s influence is prevalent in more places than most would expect. “This sounds like true old school gangster rap,” my father added in. “This doesn’t even sound new to me. Evolved.” I guess I’m glad to have such rap aficionados as parents.

“This is good for jazzercise. Zumba — good for zumba-ing,” my father concluded.

Crystal Castles – “Doe Deer”

“It’s…” my father opened, but never seemed to complete that thought. During this track, my mom rested her head against the back of the couch, looking defeated, as my dad hid under a blanket.

“The melody is fine, but the singing sounded like the devil,” my father finally said.

“You were in a fetal position in your little teepee,” my mother said to my father.

“It’s a two minute song they played in a minute,” my father retorted, attempting to justify his need for cover. “It sounded like they were trying to get everything in [with]in a minute. With the devil.”

After this song, my mother happily declared, “We’re happy with your choices! We like how your taste has developed!”

“No,” my father declared simply, turning on his side for a nap.


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